True Confession: A Hydrangea Homicide

True Confession: A Hydrangea Homicide

(The Rehabilitation of a Homicidal Hydrangea Lover)

There once lived a writer who loved hydrangeas. But alas, she had no green thumb. No plant whispering ability. No amount of sexy sweet talk cajoled her hydrangeas into blooming. Yet, year after year, this writer attempted to grow hydrangea bushes. She even moved them around the yard and even from house to house as she moved. Different conditions, different soils, different amounts of water, sun and shade…surely something would make a difference, yes? No. It didn’t. It was a sad situation. She didn’t need Miracle Grow- she needed a miracle.

Last year the writer found a hydrangea plant on clearance at her local hardware store. The sickly, scrawny plant spoke to her. Save me. It must have been desperate to ask this known plant killer for help. But maybe it was like that show Puppies Behind Bars where the puppy helps rehabilitate the inmate. This plant was going to save me the writer.

Hydrangea Deer<— Here is the “on-its-last-legs” clearance hydrangea! The first hydrangea plant the writer ever had  thrive and bloom. There was great rejoicing in her world. She took care to water her hydrangea through the hot 100 degree June days. But here is where this happy story takes a dastardly plot twist. You know how people crave certain things on hot summer days? Like a cold beer, or a crisp, cool glass of sweet tea. A dip in a pool or to sit under a churning fan blade while licking dripping sweet ice cream from a sugar cone.

So innocent. And so unlike what deer crave on a hot 100 degree June day. Do you know what deer crave? Hydrangeas.

Hydrangea Deer After<— Here is the hydrangea bush the day after the above photo was taken. The deer stripped it. Like growing teenagers and a well-stocked fridge. They ate all the leaves first, then came back the next day for the blooms. But…this story has a sprinkle of magic to it. Because after the deer devoured the hydrangeas leaves, some small voice whispered to the writer, softly, like a puff of dandelion fluff…Save Me. So she did. Hydrangea Saved


Here is where I confess, I’m envious of people who are naturally good with plants. Also people who can sing or play the piano. If you are good with plants, can sing and play the piano…? Arrggh. Seriously, what are your favourite plants that you must have in your garden or have always wanted? Anyone have any tips for growing hydrangeas? I am eager to learn. Next on my list to try in the garden…peonies! Love them too!